Hey everyone I know it’s been forever since I was on here. I’d like to say life has just been too busy, but the truth is I have been busy and only part of that is “life”. When people say “life” has been busy, they usually mean work and dealing with life at home. Sometimes that’s true and when I started working in 2016 that was kind of the truth, I had been out of work for 3 years at that point and was really happy to be out of the house and standing on my own two feet again. Things were great for about 6 months and then the anxiety started to kick in, I thought it was an isolated incident and if I could get out of the hostile environment i’d be fine. I had already started job hunting when I was let go for being “unhappy”, ya that happened. Luckily for me I was employed within 24 hours, but the cycle had already begun. I really enjoyed my new job, but every time something happened, even something ridiculously minor I would go into a full blown anxiety attack until I could brush it off, this when on for about a year until it turned into another hostile work environment (Apparently I have issues with bossy, manipulative females), but because of my anxiety I couldn’t stand up for myself and I just started deflating and curling into myself. I found a job working with my best friend, but I had been warned by many people one of the owners was CRAZY. I didn’t doubt it, but I thought as long as I kept my head down and did my job I could stick it out for 6 months- a year, get the experience and move on. I need the experience because it’s not a field in which I’ve worked before. Within a week I was a wreck, it’s been just over 3 months and my anxiety has gotten so bad that I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, I have trouble breathing, I’m constantly shaking, my heart burn is back, I’m getting migraines more frequently and within the last 2 weeks I have become suicidal again. I’ve dealt with depression since I was 13 and started self harming, High School was not kind to me. I was better once I went to college, but then I had my car accident. In 2013 I was in a car accident and fractured my spine, that was when I first started dealing with anxiety, but while my body wasn’t totally functional my brain mostly was (Unless I was in the car and there was traffic or bad weather). Then in December of 2014 my brother was killed in a car accident at the age of 24. I have never been so depressed in my whole life, High School was a breeze compared to what I felt then. At the time I felt I was dealing with it as best as one could be given the circumstances, about 6 months later I started to get the racing heart beat, the shakes, random burst of rage and other things. I finally sought help and was diagnosed with PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I was put on meds and thought I was doing better. I got the job in 2016 and my therapist thought I was doing so much better we would go from a monthly appointment to every 3 months and then as an on needed basis. Well I’m really bad at making phone calls (They give me anxiety) so I pushed off going back to therapy until January of this year. It takes months to get an appointment (Thank you medi-cal) but I finally have an appointment next week because even when I was at my worst with my depression I never felt the way I feel now. I took a pain pill for my back the other day (which I do rarely) and all my anxiety went away and I realized that this is why people are drug addicts, it was a feeling I could all to easily to get used too, but not a path I wanted to go down, but is it really any different than contemplating ending my life, it’s just a slower form of suicide. I’m trying to figure out how to get disability for my anxiety because I can’t stay working in this environment, where I walk on pins and needles waiting for the next verbal attack. Where I’ve been going with this is that reading was always an escape for me. Know matter how bad I felt or where I was at in life there was nothing reading a good book couldn’t fix, my anxiety has gotten so bad I can’t even read anymore, my brain runs away from the story instead of into it and all I can think about is how bad work is going to be, worst case scenarios, etc. I miss being able to lose myself in a book. I’m still reading but a book that once would only take me a few days to read now takes me weeks. I have no escape anymore, and what was once my favorite past time is now something I struggle to do. It’s very hard to see the happy ending at the end of the story when you’re stuck in a nightmare. I’m hoping one day I will be able to come back to this blog and do reviews again or tell you how my newest novel is going (I haven’t written a word in almost 2 years.) Until then I will keep pushing on and I’m hoping you’ll understand if things take a little turn for the dark while I try to find the light.
Yosemite
Half Dome and area from Glacier Point and other view points.
Bridaveil Falls
The Invisible Library (The Invisible Library #1) by Genevieve Cogman (Fantasy)
Irene must be at the top of her game or she’ll be off the case – permanently… Irene is a professional spy for the mysterious Library, which harvests fiction from different realities. And along with her enigmatic assistant Kai, she’s posted to an alternative London. Their mission – to retrieve a dangerous book. But when they arrive, it’s already been stolen. London’s underground factions seem prepared to fight to the very death to find her book. Adding to the jeopardy, this world is chaos-infested – the laws of nature bent to allow supernatural creatures and unpredictable magic. Irene’s new assistant is also hiding secrets of his own. Soon, she’s up to her eyebrows in a heady mix of danger, clues and secret societies. Yet failure is not an option – the nature of reality itself is at stake.
Stars: 3/5
I’m still not entirely sure what I think of this book. It started off interesting, the middle got a little bit blah, the end picked up, but the conclusion was strange. The characters are obnoxious and mostly unlikable, the plot is good, but the writing could be better. There was more drama between the characters than there was in the adventures which made the book some what unreadable at times and made me roll my eyes all the time. I don’t really care about any of the characters, but I’m still curious about the library itself and the plot held me enough that I was entertained. “The first installment of an adventure featuring stolen books, secret agents and forbidden societies – think Doctor Who with librarian spies!” Sounds interesting right? Not so much. They compare the book to the Doctor Who series, but being a serious Doctor Who fan I fail to see the resemblance. Just because there is time travel doesn’t make it comparable to to Doctor Who. I’m not sure if I’ll pick up the next book or not. I’ll have to see what the plot ends up being.
Lady Midnight (Dark Artifices #1) by Cassandra Clare *Teen Fantasy*
In a secret world where half-angel warriors are sworn to fight demons, parabatai is a sacred word. A parabatai is your partner in battle. A parabatai is your best friend. Parabatai can be everything to each other—but they can never fall in love. Emma Carstairs is a warrior, a Shadowhunter, and the best in her generation. She lives for battle. Shoulder to shoulder with her parabatai, Julian Blackthorn, she patrols the streets of Los Angeles, where vampires party on the Sunset Strip, and faeries—the most powerful of supernatural creatures—teeter on the edge of open war with Shadowhunters. When the bodies of humans and faeries turn up murdered in the same way Emma’s parents were when she was a child, an uneasy alliance is formed. This is Emma’s chance for revenge—and Julian’s chance to get back his brother Mark, who is being held prisoner by the faerie Courts. All Emma, Mark, and Julian have to do is solve the murders within two weeks…and before the murderer targets them. Their search takes Emma from sea caves full of sorcery to a dark lottery where death is dispensed. And each clue she unravels uncovers more secrets. What has Julian been hiding from her all these years? Why does Shadowhunter Law forbid parabatai to fall in love? Who really killed her parents—and can she bear to know the truth?
Stars: 3.5/5
This would have gotten 4 starts if it had not been for the love story between Julian and Emma. It felt weird and forced and distracted from the actual plot of the book. It was like Cassandra Clare threw it in because she didn’t know if she’d be able to write another story where two parabatai fall in love. Other than that I really enjoyed the book. We get to see some characters we fell in love with in her other series; Clary, Jace, Magnue, Tess, Jem, etc. but they were only minor characters and didn’t distract from the major characters of the story. I loved seeing how everyone had changed since the last book in The Mortal Instruments series. Besides the love story, which you could see coming a mile away, the rest of the book was full of twists and turns and you never really knew which way it was going to go and what was going to happen and that was one of the things I loved most is that it wasn’t predictable. I can’t wait for the next book, though I’m not looking forward to more Julian and Emma love drama.
The Rook (The Checquy Files #1) & Stiletto (Checquy #2)*ARC* by Daniel O’Malley (Science Fiction/Fantasy)
The Rook
“The body you are wearing used to be mine.” So begins the letter Myfanwy Thomas is holding when she awakes in a London park surrounded by bodies all wearing latex gloves. With no recollection of who she is, Myfanwy must follow the instructions her former self left behind to discover her identity and track down the agents who want to destroy her. She soon learns that she is a Rook, a high-ranking member of a secret organization called the Chequy that battles the many supernatural forces at work in Britain. She also discovers that she possesses a rare, potentially deadly supernatural ability of her own. In her quest to uncover which member of the Chequy betrayed her and why, Myfanwy encounters a person with four bodies, an aristocratic woman who can enter her dreams, a secret training facility where children are transformed into deadly fighters, and a conspiracy more vast than she ever could have imagined.
Stars: 4.5/5
Stiletto (Advanced Readers Copy Expected publication: June 14th 2016)
When secret organizations are forced to merge after years of enmity and bloodshed, only one person has the fearsome powers—and the bureaucratic finesse—to get the job done. Facing her greatest challenge yet, Rook Myfanwy Thomas must broker a deal between two bitter adversaries: The Checquy—the centuries-old covert British organization that protects society from supernatural threats, and… The Grafters—a centuries-old supernatural threat. But as bizarre attacks sweep London, threatening to sabotage negotiations, old hatreds flare. Surrounded by spies, only the Rook and two women, who absolutely hate each other, can seek out the culprits before they trigger a devastating otherworldly war.
Stars: 4/5
I have actually had The Rook sitting in my nook for some time. When I first read about the book I was intrigued and then awhile back Barnes and Noble had it discounted so I bought it, but somehow I never got around to reading it. Then about a month ago I had finished a few other books and was still pretty far down on the waitlist for the library books I was waiting on so I decided to give The Rook a go. I’m so glad I did. The first few chapters are a bit rough since you know only what the main character does, which isn’t much since she has amnesia, and it’s a bit like reading about split personalities. Also, it’s the authors debut book and the first few chapters read that way until he finally finds his style that works for him. Eventually you get used too it and things start to come together. Once I finally got into the story I was completely hooked. I loved the plot and the world O’Malley created, a world within our world. You get to know both Myfawny’s. At first you kind of wish the old Myfawny would come back because how fair is it you lose all your memories and come too as a totally different person, but as you get to know the old Myfawny through her letters to the new Myfawny you start hoping old Myfawny stays gone (well that’s how I felt anyway.) As you go deeper and deeper into the world of the Checquy you never know whats going to happen and that is one of the things I truly loved about this book, not only are the characters and the plot interesting but it keeps you constantly guessing as to what is going to happen next. As soon as I finished The Rook I was desperate to get my hands on book 2 only to find out it wouldn’t be released until June. I logged onto my advanced reapers sites and I was lucky enough to find it on one of them, I was still anxious though because they had to approve me still, but a few days later I got the approval and immediately started reading Stiletto. Stiletto is only partly from Myfawny’s point of view. Instead we get most of the point of view from one of the female Pawns and from a female Grafters. I wish we had more from Myfawny, but I get why this had to have multiple view points. I’m hoping book 3 will have more from Myfawny, I’m also hoping there is a book 3. I don’t want to say too much about Stiletto as it will give away some of what happens in The Rook. In The Rook you get to know the dealings and workings of the Checquy, while Stiletto focuses mostly on the Grafters organization. Both are definitely worth reading, but The Rook is still my favorite of the 2 so far. Please, please, please let there be more books in this series!
Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee (Fiction)
R.I.P. Harper Lee
April 28, 1926- February 19, 2016
Maycomb, Alabama. Twenty-six-year-old Jean Louise Finch–“Scout”–returns home from New York City to visit her aging father, Atticus. Set against the backdrop of the civil rights tensions and political turmoil that were transforming the South, Jean Louise’s homecoming turns bittersweet when she learns disturbing truths about her close-knit family, the town and the people dearest to her. Memories from her childhood flood back, and her values and assumptions are thrown into doubt. Featuring many of the iconic characters from To Kill a Mockingbird, Go Set a Watchman perfectly captures a young woman, and a world, in a painful yet necessary transition out of the illusions of the past–a journey that can be guided only by one’s conscience.
Stars: 4/5
I’m not even sure where to start with this… warning there will be spoilers in this review, I usually try to avoid that, but I don’t think I can give an honest review without getting really into this book.
I loved this book, but I’m not sure I liked it, though the more time passes since I finished the more I understand it. A lot of people were really upset by this book because it shows a different side of Atticus than we saw in To Kill a Mockingbird. I understand where people are coming from being angry, it’s one of the reasons I’m not sure I liked the books, but I do understand it. I kept hoping everything Scout was thinking and had seen was just a misunderstanding. Jean Louise aka Scout is 26 in this book so we are finally seeing Atticus through the eyes of an adult because in TKaM Scout was 6-9 years old so we only saw Atticus as she saw Atticus. That’s why I understand the change in Atticus we see from TKaM to GSaW. As a child Scout only saw the best in Atticus and he only let her see the best in him, he was a single parent doing his best to raise two children. Jean Louise finally sees her father as a real person and I was just as appalled as she was when she finally figured it out, but like Scout I understood it by the end of the book. People need to realize the times this book was being written in and that this book was actually written BEFORE To Killing a Mockingbird. Lee didn’t wake up one morning and decide to change everything people had believed about Atticus for the last 50 years. If you are happy in your bubble that Atticus is everything good and pure then don’t read this book, but if you are willing to realize that people are not always as we see them and are willing to open your mind then you’ll love it too. My other issue with this book was Jem, that was like a shot to my already grieving heart. I loved grown up Scout though, I’d like to think her and I would be very good friends. I wish we could have a sequel to this book. I’d like to see how Jean Louise copes with learning her father is human and has flaws and what she does about it.
I feel the need to read To Kill a Mockingbird again now and see if there’s a change in the way I view the story.
Warheart (Richard and Kahlan #4) by Terry Goodkind (Science Fiction/Fantasy)
All is lost. Evil will soon consume the D’Haran Empire. Richard Rahl lies on his funeral bier. It is the end of everything. Except what isn’t lost is Kahlan Amnell. Following an inner prompting beyond all reason, the last Confessor will wager everything on a final desperate gambit, and in so doing, she will change the world forever.
Stars: 3/5
Sword of Truth #15. Never in my life have I been as obsessed and frustrated with a series. To this day it is the only series that has ever caused me to throw a book. The story is amazing and well written. It sucks you in until you feel like you’re a part of it. The problem is Richard Rahl’s attitude. Around book 4 it starts and by book 6 it’s very well formed. He very much has the “I’m the smartest person in the world and you are always wrong” attitude. He gets extremely preachy about things until you feel like not only is the character trying to get his audience to believe him, but that Goodkind is trying to get you, the reader, to believe them as well. If it wasn’t for the story, I would have stopped reading this series for this reason a long time ago. According to Goodkind this is the last in the Sword of Truth series… ever… we’ll see, but I hope it is. Though I would really like a Law of Nines sequel and series that eventually connects to Richard and Kahlan’s world even if it’s the future and they are dead. I’d like to see how they end up and how the world has changed, plus I really liked the Law of Nines book and want to just generally know what happens next. I love this series, but if you decide to read it plan on being very frustrated.
The Obsession by Nora Roberts (Romance) *ARC*
Expected publication: April 12th 2016
Naomi Bowes lost her innocence the night she followed her father into the woods. In freeing the girl trapped in the root cellar, Naomi revealed the horrible extent of her father’s crimes and made him infamous. Now a successful photographer living under the name Naomi Carson, she has found a place that calls to her, thousands of miles away from everything she’s ever known. Naomi wants to embrace the solitude, but the residents of Sunrise Cove keep forcing her to open up—especially the determined Xander Keaton. Naomi can feel her defenses failing, and knows that the connection her new life offers is something she’s always secretly craved. But as she’s learned time and again, her past is never more than a nightmare away.
Stars: 3/5
It’s rare I give a Nora Robert’s book anything less than a 4 or a 5, but I found this book very disappointing. You had to get more than halfway through the book before you got to the heart of the story of Naomi’s past catching up with her. The first 200+ pages revolve around Naomi trying to find her footing in Sunrise Cove with the place and the people, which is totally fine, but adding in things here and there about the killer and whats coming would have made the story a little less boring. I’d rather have the killers p.o.v. the hear about what Naomi made for breakfast morning after morning. We get flashbacks to her past which are interesting, but even those are few and far between. My biggest issue with this book was the climax. You think “Okay, here we go, now it’s going to get interesting” then 2 pages later it’s over and you’re left feeling let down. The characters were great and it’s a great story, it just lacks intrigue.
Tell the Wind and Fire by Sarah Rees Brennan (Teen Paranormal Romance) *ARC*
Expected publication: April 5th 2016
Tell the Wind & Fire is about a young girl called Lucie who lives in a New York very different from the New York we know: the city is torn between two very different kinds of magic, and Lucie’s own family was torn apart years ago by that conflict. Lucie wears magic rings and carries a burden of guilt she can’t share with anyone. The light in her life is her sweetheart boyfriend Ethan, but it turns out Ethan has a secret too: a soulless doppelganger created by dark magic, who has to conceal the face identical to Ethan’s with a hood fastened by a collar nobody but a Light magician with magical rings can take off… and who introduces himself to both of them by, for reasons nobody can understand, saving Ethan’s life.
Stars: 2/5
You know how they say “never judge a book by it’s cover” this is one of those cases. The book cover is beautiful, but this book was actually pretty bad. It started off promising enough, but somewhere around Chapter 3 it just got bad and then end was even worse. Lucie is supposed to be this heroine of both the light and dark cities, but mostly she’s just a coward. She rarely stands up for herself or those around her, blames everyone else for things that are wrong, and hides her ideas and feelings even when she knows something is wrong. Only a handful of times in the story does she make a stand, but even then it feels forced for the character. Ethan is blah and Carwyn (the doppelganger)is the only interesting character until he randomly decides he’s in love with Lucie, which feels completely out of character. There’s so much wrong with this story I don’t even know where to start. It’s only getting 2 stars because I actually finished it, if it had been any worse I would have put it down, not finishing it.
You Were Here by Cori McCarthy (Teen Fiction) *ARC*
Expected publication: March 1st 2016
Grief turned Jaycee into a daredevil, but can she dare to deal with her past? On the anniversary of her daredevil brother’s death, Jaycee attempts to break into Jake’s favorite hideout—the petrifying ruins of an insane asylum. Joined by four classmates, each with their own brand of dysfunction, Jaycee discovers a map detailing her brother’s exploration and the unfinished dares he left behind. As a tribute to Jake, Jaycee vows to complete the dares, no matter how terrifying or dangerous. What she doesn’t bargain on is her eccentric band of friends who challenge her to do the unthinkable: reveal the parts of herself that she buried with her brother.
Stars: 3/5
This book was okay, it wasn’t great, but not a waste of time either. I wanted to read this book because I felt like I would connect with Jaycee since I lost my brother in 2014. Our grief may not be the same, but the loss of a sibling is something that binds you and I was looking for that connection. I liked Jaycee, I understood Jaycee, no one is in the book truly understands her, but I do. I could go into all the reasons I understand Jaycee, but if you’ve never dealt with it you wouldn’t understand, which is one of the points of the book. It was the rest of the characters in the book I had a problem with. They felt really in a very fake way. They were stereotypical and uninteresting. I was disappointed in the exploration of the dares, they were just kind blah. Things got all drama filled before they could ever really find what they were looking for at these places. I’d give the book 2.5 stars for story, but it gets 3 because of Jaycee.
reading7mandy 